by Siri-Gian Khalsa

Personal "boundaries" may seem like a terrible thing to embody--perhaps bringing up images of the razor wire topped Berlin wall on a personal level--of people who never, ever let love in or out; not allowing full heart and its expression to flow between themselves and others.

That lack of flow, that separation among people can arise from those withering habits that were originally established between parent and child, or were created in other very treacherous lifetimes. Then they can be re-triggered as pain, remorse, feelings of loss and abandonment. They can become our own personal iron curtain of separation.

So at first glance, personal boundaries may seem to embody that old Piscean solitary territory that we so desperately are trying to crawl out of to live the promise of our outrageous Aquarian dream of full, open heart and Soul connectedness on all levels--no matter what! The dream is to join together as one fully conscious, fully loving, mutually supporting organism where we all are fully included and no one is separate or left out for any reason.

But I have to tell you that we are all made of such wonderful human intricacies and complexities! And living from that beautiful open heart is more of a journey than a done deal. Remember, we are still very much pioneers in manifesting this Aquarian dream, and each moves at their own pace. So, please do your best to not judge anyone in this regard. That only creates more separation! Rather cherish each one for their Being Here Now!

NO BOUNDARIES?

Now, having no boundaries--meaning you allow anyone in any way to take charge of you; to say or do what they will to you without restrictions; to take over your life in exchange for their promise of money, love, support, fulfillment of ideals, intimidation, fear of punishment or abandonment, etc. is an open invitation to anyone to victimize you. If you don't have ground rules about how you are to be treated with dignity, fairness, love, concern, and so on--you, yourself put out the neon sign that says, "Come beat me up," "Come take what I have and leave me less for it," "Please come exploit my sheer lack of self worth."

BUT YOU ARE GOD!

You are sacred! Are you willing to sell God so short?

In this case, a boundary is a personal set of rules that one makes--consciously or unconsciously that guards your integrity as a full human. That is you as the expression, the purveyor, the impersonator of the God Who is you in this everyday package. So, to invite slander, ill will, manipulation, abuse, being dumped on, being stolen from, etc. as you can see, certainly doesn't protect the expansion of this extraordinary God! You might think of it this way--to protect God, protect you. This is real Self-respect!

"But the other person is me!" you might retort. Oh, yes that is true! But together in that condition of victim/victimizer in all its levels or potencies, you set up a really unbalanced game that certainly doesn't promote sharing the greatest and most open fullness of heart connectedness, do you? Au contraire! And accepting another's abuse simply because you don't want to hurt their feelings by stopping it is really upside down!

WHAT ARE YOUR BOUNDARIES?

Each one of us has our own very peculiar and extraordinary conditions and progress along this path to the glory of pure open heartedness. So, each of us needs to establish different boundaries that are tailor-made just for us, and we need to establish the appropriate level of enforcement for each of these boundaries.

These boundaries protect us and our integrity, keep us safe especially as we consciously heal our pains, difficulties and ways we relate to ourselves and others. Without this graduated process, we can so easily get ourselves totally tangled up worse than ever in our attempt to fly on the wings of pure openness.

For instance: A woman, who in her idealistic endeavor to become no-holds-barred open and loving allows a manipulative creep who masquerades as a teacher of Truth to take control of her in every way. This isn't open hearted love; it's a calamity of self-destruction!

Or: A sensitive fellow allows others to make him the butt of jokes so that he can remain in their circle of "friends." Although they actually hurt him, he just does his best to slough it off to preserve his connection with the group in any compromised way that he can. Woops! Where's the love?

Can you extrapolate these examples to your own circumstances?

TRANSFORM TO SELF LOVE!

Now the question is, how can I make a personal boundary without becoming a shut-off reactive bitch; without coming off as scared, wimpy, "Hulk-like" angry, self-righteous, or hoity-toity, which would just add more mileage to my cycle of separation and pain? Well this is certainly a matter of self-discovery, awareness and practice--generally called "the path!" So, let's start with a few simple guidelines.

First start by loving yourself! You--as the God you are, are the greatest Lover in the Universe!! If you can't love yourself, it can be really hard for your open-hearted love to really flow--that is both in giving and receiving!

So, this is where the healing process starts. Drop guilt.

Then once you let your Self know that loving yourself is definitely your top priority, and that you will do whatever it takes to make confident, fearless, fully grounded Self-love happen, that intention unlocks the Universe's floodgates to seed all kinds of wonderful remedies along your path. Just be open to them, because some of them might actually be yet more opportunities to exercise your boundaries! Yikes!

That transformation to pure Self/self love is based in solving those past hurts that spring from our damaged subconscious. Those old voices can wrongly informs us that we are not worthy of love, that being open causes painful backlashes, that nobody could ever love me because they never have, that if I stand up for myself everyone will run away. All those perpetually repeating subconscious flare-ups devour us in their anti-truth.

So in my experience, there is nothing like a healthy commitment to sadhana (powerful daily spiritual practice) to bring about self healing. Take a look at this page www.SoulAnswer.com/kriyas.html to find something that might remedy your particular situation and practice it for at least 40 days straight. That's time to change a habit.

ACTIVATING YOUR BOUNDARIES

Next, when something happens that you feel is compromising the integrity of Who you are, that is invading your love of Self--which is literally crossing your just boundaries, simply inhale to begin long, deep breathing and LOVE that other person--not for the crumminess that they are inflicting, but neutrally love their Being, their Soul! And at the same time, LOVE YOURSELF!

Yes, loving the other person as well as yourself gives you amazing power in the situation and keeps you from reverting to your old subconscious destructive habits. Hold steady in your breath. Doing Heart Breath will ease your reaction as well as revolutionize the energetic exchange between you. And yes, it does work miraculously!

Then let your inner voice of Soul become really strong to guide you well in your response. For instance, either on the spot or later, perhaps in private you can ask that other person to not act that way towards you, but be sure to not resort to manipulation yourself. Or in the moment, it might take a quick verbal rap on the knuckles, or even a sharp punch if that is appropriate!

No blaming though, no recrimination, no getting back at them or pointing out their foibles. Just pure, down-to-earth Truth. And don't give excuses, and don't provide personal information that can be exploited later, such as "I didn't have the money." "I was too tired." "I felt overburdened!"

Instead, you can say things like, "Stop now!" "Don't talk to me like that." "Excuse me, gotta go." "Ler's talk about this later." "How can we solve this?" And hold firm!

That's how you protect yourself and educate them. And if your protective response isn't "perfect," just forgive yourself and be happy that you did what you could.

Be consistent in your responses over time--not letting those folks get away with stepping on you one time, then reacting the next time. Then if your aggressor would rather part ways rather than adapt to your boundaries of self-love, then so be it! You are better off either way. As you deeply forgive what they have done, your "bungee cord" to that hurt and that person is dissolved. But forgiving doesn't mean that what they did is OK. It only means that you cut the cord so that you can take your own power back.

Now, I have found that some folks actually go into an "attack trance!" What they are attacking you for has no base in fact. They are lost in a fictional land and you are their target. Or someone may be taking power over you to distract you from seeing that the problem is actually with them! So, especially in these case, jump out of victim mode really quick so that you can deal with the truth of the situation!

DON'T INAVERTENTLY BECOME THE VICTIMIZER YOURSELF!

Now, it bears saying, please don't invade other people's boundaries as well, no matter what you think about them. That can be difficult if they use lash out to mark their territory. But if you relax, breathe and stay in the presence of your Soul, I guarantee that the solution of how to deal with these difficult folks will come to you in creative ways that are good for both of you. Just don't have any expectations about what that might be. Instead give your Soul free, creative reign on the solution and then stay centered while you carry it out. What an Adventure!

If you keep this up this whole process over time, your life honestly will change for the better, including the magical appearance of folks who do respect your boundaries of self-love--guaranteed. And rather than getting blown away by reacting to those same old programs, you will most likely not even notice that you are in those kinds of situations anymore because you are handling them so naturally. Then you will probably regard the other person with compassion for their shortcomings and pain, and you will find that you have the wisdom and ability to help heal them as well as yourself! Yeh!

YOU'LL DO GREAT!

It takes courage to love yourself to the point that you can stand for Who you are! But how else are you going to insure that your God within, the Real You in healthy tandem with the precious everyday self of you can truly handle that amazingly powerful flow of love from and to your own heart? Here's where the joy is! That you can be in that free, all natural and powerful open flow of love in its totality is actually the intrinsic promise of being human! So, why not grab it NOW?

Lots of Love,
Siri-Gian

Copyright 2009, Siri-Gian Khalsa, www.SoulAnswer.com